Here are a few tips from CORONATION STREET writer Ellen Taylor
I've been lucky or unlucky enough to have been a Best Woman four times. Either because those friends treasure me above all others, or else they don’t but thought 'she's a writer, at least she'll give a good speech'.
Yes, being Best Man or Best Woman is really all about the speech. It means you are the last person up and everyone expects you to be funny. You are top billing of a massive show that has probably cost about twenty grand. Most of the audience don't know that you're a kind, funny, sensitive person with masses of soul, they just think 'oh, it's the Best Man. They'd better be good'. No pressure!
But on the positive side... it is a great honour. Perhaps the greatest one friend can bestow on another. This person has decided you are their top bloke or bird and that you are funny and entertaining enough (yes they've thought of this too) to stand up and talk about them on the most important day of their life. You have that person's love and faith. How cool is that? You are already good or they wouldn't have asked you. Remember this, even when you're crapping yourself beforehand. Remember too:
a) The audience are already pissed. More pissed than you (make sure you are not more pissed than them. You can play catch up afterwards).
b) The preceding speeches are likely to be rubbish. Father of the Bride - assuredly emotional but almost certain to be dull. They are more nervous than you and anxious not to show their daughter as anything other than a beautiful princess. After this, the Groom/Bride speech is usually boring too. They are similarly hidebound by niceness and also have to do loads of thank yous which no one gives a toss about. Your audience will drink more during this bit, which is all good news for you.
c) Your audience are ready and willing to laugh. They expect you to be irreverent and silly - to show the groom (or bride, because increasingly brides have best women who give speeches about them) in all their hideous, embarrassing glory and to generally create the fun of the evening. As soon as you stand up they will relax and want to enjoy themselves.
So you see, it's not all bad.
But this is NOT your cue to get lazy. Spouting cliches and reading a collection of jokes you got off the internet isn't going to cut it. You actually need to put the effort in and write a good speech. Give yourself plenty of time for this, and do that amazing friend of yours justice.
But how do you do it? How do you write a best man’s speech? Here are ten basic rules I’ve learnt:
START WITH A GAG
People expect to laugh, so it's important to win them over and set the tone from the outset. If you get a good funny opening line you can get away with pretty much anything.
2. MAKE IT PERSONAL
You may - if you have to - start with a generic joke. But make this the only generic bit of your speech. Remember it's about the groom and not 'grooms in general' or 'male-female relationships in general'.
Personal stories are KEY to this. However, don't feel you have to encapsulate an entire person's life - you don't. By all means ask parents, friends, ex lovers etc to give you good material but do not feel you have to use all or any of it. This is YOUR speech. It is about your relationship with the groom not anyone else's.
3. EXPLAIN HOW HOW KNOW THE GROOM
To help the above, put yourself in context: 'I first met x when I was so drunk I mistook him for x...' or 'we've been friends since the bad old days when he used to dress like x'. Use your memories to trigger plenty of piss-taking. The first half of your speech is the funny and embarrassing bit. Keep your audience laughing.
4. TELL A COUPLE OF FUNNY STORIES ABOUT THEM
These are important, but don't go into a long winded one, or one that 90% of the audience won't understand because they weren't there. And be careful about how embarrassing or revealing they are - you don't want the bride to get up and walk out half way through your speech. I remember one where the story involved a description of what a legendarily bad lover the groom used to be according to his ex girlfriends. Let's just say it didn't go down too well (just like the groom).
5. GET SOME HEART INTO IT
Your speech must contain what we writers call emotional truth. It must be personal and real. People see through a fake speech like a fake smile. It's better to tell a boring truthful story rather than a 'funny' fake one. And once you've taken the piss and got the audience laughing, you need to get serious for a bit. Balance the banter with heartfelt compliments. Show how much you love the groom, how important they are to you, and why you are honoured to be their best person.
6. MOVE YOUR AUDIENCE TO TEARS
I cannot stress this enough: If you can make your audience cry as well as laugh your speech will be an absolute WINNER!
It's the structure of the speech which is key to this. If you've spent half the speech cracking them up with your stories about the groom, midway through undercut it by telling them what the groom means to you/how important your friendship is, and how delighted you are they've finally found this amazing person who appreciates them as much as you do. This bit will be even more moving if you tell it to the groom as opposed to the rest of the room. (Replace the word 'he' or 'she' with 'you' and speak directly to them). This reinforces the bond you have with that person, it will feel more sincere and you might well find yourself getting choked up too (I always do). From a speech point of view this is all great. Seeing you emotional will make the audience emotional too.
7. BRING THEM BACK TO LAUGHTER
After your emotional bit, get back to the funny stuff. You want to end on a laugh just like you began. By now the moved and teary audience will be in the palm of your hand.
8. FAKE TELEGRAMS
A good tip for the funny end section is to write a few fake telegrams. For example, from their favourite band/film star, their pets, anyone or anything you can make a gag out of. If you have to read out a couple of real telegrams to start with all the better.
9. THE TOAST
Obviously tradition dictates that you end on a toast. Again, if you can make this different or funny all the better. Once (for a wedding where the groom was a singer) I sung the toast and got the audience to sing it after me. Whatever you can do to get a laugh - do it!
10. WHEN DO I STOP?!
In my experience, between 5 and 8 minutes works best. Less than this feels mean and more than this people get restless and stop listening. Write the speech first without worrying about the time. Then read it out (as if you were performing) and time it. Only then trim/adjust for length.
So there you have it. I hope these pointers prove helpful. And remember; whilst there's no getting away from the pressure of having to speak at your best mate's wedding, the rewards are huge. Aside from his or her adoration for life, you will be the star of the show and therefore have the most pulling power in the room. Honestly, everyone will be gagging for you. Go get it Shakespeare!
Add new comment